Will not compute! Help! Hair on fire!

The incomparable Zoe Williams has a Guardian daily comment article today called "In pursuit of the pink". This is all about the Tories and New Labour falling all over each other trying to woo the "homosexual vote". She has a really ingenious explanation of why "family values" politicians cannot come out (as it were) in support of gay marriages:
"My personal theory is that, if they did bring in gay marriage, there would de facto be gay divorcees, and the upholders of "family values" would become irretrievably confused over whether these were destroying the very fabric of society. (Divorce: bad! Homosexual partnerships: unnatural! Divorcing homosexuals... emergency! Will not compute! Help, hair on fire!)"